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 Neela Sakaria: Thank you for joining us. First of all, how would you define gossip?
Bob Burg: For the purposes of this book, Lori and I define gossip as any type of communication which is hurtful or harmful. This would include verbal, written, and even body language if it would cause pain to anyone involved.
Neela: Why is gossip so destructive and what is it that inspired you to write the book?
BB: Gossip is destructive for numerous reasons. It can ruin lives, assassinate personalities, split family, alienate friends, and bankrupt businesses. And those the positive aspects of it. What inspired me personally to want to be involved in the writing of this book is my own experience with this destructive habit. At one time I was a very big gossiper. I loved speaking it, listening to it, and generally being around it. After reading another book in which the author mentioned the devastation it can cause, and realizing that I could relate to that all too well, I decided to go on a personal mission to end it in my own life. Since that time, my life has changed remarkably for the better. This includes everything from better relationships and friendships to becoming an overall much happier person. When I was given the opportunity to team up with Lori Palatnik, who has been speaking on this topic for years, I jumped at the opportunity.
Neela: This book was a joint effort between yourself and Lori Palatnik, correct? Please tell us about that and how that worked in terms of writing, research, etc. How long was the writing process?
BB: I believe we completed it in about six months or so. A big part of the reason for the short time frame was that, again, Lori had been teaching on this topic for years, so she had the outline and much of the information already written, plus she added a real lot. I then added some stories and the perspective of a former "gossip-aholic" or, should I say, a "recovering" gossip-aholic. We went back and forth via email, finding the correct "voice" and style, and also had a marvelous editor by the name of Susan Tobias at Simcha Press. Plus, quarterbacking the project was Kim Weiss of Simcha so, with a team like that, it made it a lot easier.
Neela: Please tell us a bit about your professional background and how this project came about with Simcha Press.
BB: My background is as a radio and television broadcaster, then salesman, sales trainer, and finally, speaker and author. This is my third mainstream book; the first two being on business networking ("Endless Referrals"), and positive persuasion ("Winning Without Intimidation"). I also have two others. Lori is a Jewish educator, former television talk show host, and author of two wonderful books, "Friday Night and Beyond" and "Remember My Soul."
The way the project came about was that, after meeting Lori and her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik at a Jewish Outreach conference, I introduced her to Kim at a Sabbath Dinner. I had met Kim after referring another author to her for the Jewish division (Simcha) of the company for which she works, Health Communications (HCI). Lori and Kim struck up an immediate friendship. Eventually, they discussed the idea for a book on how to eradicate gossip. After agreeing to the worthiness of the mission, they were kind enough to invite me to participate. We all decided that, although the information in the book would be culled from Jewish Sources, it would be written in such a way as to be welcoming and applicable to everyone and anyone, of all faiths. We've been delighted by the incredibly positive response from our many friends of the Christian faith and other religions.
Neela: You mention that you too had been an "advocate" of gossip in the past. What made you decide to change?
BB: It wasn't so much that I was an "advocate" of gossip, as much as I was simply a participant. In other words, had you, at that time, asked me if I thought gossip was a good thing to do, I'd (having consciously considered the question) surely have said no. In other words, I didn't actively consider that what I was doing was gossiping...I just gossiped. Unfortunately, that's just as bad. The change came while reading a book called, "Consulting the Wise" by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. In this book he discussed a sage who had dedicated his life to eradicating gossip. While reading Rabbi Pliskin's discourse on the harm caused by gossip, it hit me "like a ton of bricks." Right there, I made the decision to investigate this more and eliminate it from my life . . . and transform my soul (Hey - what a title!).
Neela: You discuss this in the book but for the sake of our readers, can you shed some light on the reasons for gossip. Why do people do it?
BB: There are many reasons but a few would have to include:
* It's fun! - being the center of attention. Especially for someone who doesn't feel too good about themselves anyway, it provides a bit of a "high". Of course, it doesn't inspire trust, and even those listening fear what the gossiper will say about them when "they" aren't there.
* One can build oneself by lowering another. Not really, but that's what it feels like to a gossiper at the time.
* Sabotage another. Some people gossip in order to eliminate a person from position consideration (i.e., a promotion, committee seat, etc.) so that the gossiper himself/herself can get the position.
* Nothing else to say. It fills gaps in a conversation. And there are more reasons. Let's just say that it comes from a bad place in a person's soul. Perhaps an otherwise very good and kind person. And that's one of the reasons we wrote the book and believe so strongly in this cause.
Neela: You make the interesting point that people often find gossiping behavior in children unacceptable, but then as adults we somehow think it's ok to behave the same way. Can you elaborate on this a little bit?
BB: A friend of mine, and author, Asha Tyson says, "Some people think children learn what they live. In actuality, they learn what *you* live." I believe that Asha is totally correct. If an otherwise good person and solid parent tells little Johnnie or Susie not to gossip, then immediately tells their spouse how terrible Mrs. Smith looked today; or that he or she learned "through the grapevine" that the Andersons are having problems in their marriage, well, what else should they expect that their children will do when they grow older? Gossip is wrong, hurtful, harmful and destructive regardless of whether one is seven or seventy.
Neela: What kind of a response has your book gotten from readers? Have they tried your techniques? Successfully?
BB: Lori and I are both astounded at the emails we've received from people who have read the book and are already seeing tremendous transformations in their lives. I believe that, more than anything, it is the awareness people now have after reading just the first few pages of the book. They admit that, quite frankly, they never realized that gossip was such a big part of their lives. Of course, more than just the book itself, the credit has to go to the reader who saw himself or herself in the book and decided to actively make a change. What the book does is, after helping one identify an area in which they might need to make a change, shows them, step-by-step how to do it. One person wrote that the Ten Pathways to Positive Speech included at the end are "the 'Ten Commandments' for happiness, peace, joy, success and all good things." Wow, what a nice compliment!
Neela: Are you working on any other projects?
BB: Right now, the mission is to bring this book to the world and spread the word as to how ending gossip in one's life can be one of the best moves they can ever make. Lori and I have arranged and are now promoting an "International End Gossip Day" to take place November 6, 2002. It's catching on quickly. We're asking everyone to give up gossip for just that one day. Hopefully, people will feel so good at the end of the day that they'll decide to do it for another, and another and another. Do we believe everyone will participate? No. Then again, not everyone has to in order for the day to be a success. On the other hand ...
Neela: Sounds like a great idea. Thank you for your time!
BB: My pleasure, Neela.
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