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 Neela Sakaria: Please tell our readers a bit about your background. What inspired you to share your story in A SURVIVOR'S CLOSET?
Debra Luptak: I am a wife, mother, grandmother, author, painter and poet and business woman. I am a humble woman, with an outgoing personality, who enjoys helping others better themselves in their lives. I am very passionate about helping others work through their issues from a spiritual perspective. I hold degrees in Psychology, Sociology and Graphic Arts. The primary focus of my career has been in the Information Technology Industry (computers) as a highly recognized Project Manager and Web Designer in web design projects. In the mid-90's I lived in Europe, where I owned and operated a web design business for two years, then returning to the United States to continue my business adventures. Today I own and operate my web design business at home, while working full-time as an E-Business Manager for a manufacturing company and as an author I have four more books in the works that will be a series of inspirational, self-help tools that follow A Survivor's Closet.
A Survivor's Closet had been written in my head for over 20 years, it was just a matter of destiny's order when it was to be transpired into a non-fiction story that would not only help me in my own healing and closure, but then serve as a tool to help others with similar childhoods. A Survivor's Closet was my way of "Breaking the Silence," to be a survivor's voice for the other 50 million silent victims who still remain isolated in silence. A Survivor's Closet truly brings awareness to society. I am also an advocate for the children and adults who are victims of this unspeakable "crime" that still remains in our society today. A Survivor's Closet has allowed me to recapture my speaking skills, travel as a motivational speaker, and do public appearances on this sensitive issue.
Neela: I can only imagine that writing this book must have been a difficult and cathartic experience for you. How did you handle that?
DL: I have always had the internal strength and determination to survive my catastrophic childhood and then turn it into a rewarding, positive outcome. I did the same with A Survivor's Closet. Of course I had to relive the painful emotions and memories of my childhood in order to unleash my horrific childhood experiences to others, so that they too can see that any of us can overcome any life's situations, regardless of how compelling it may seem.
Neela: Were there times when you questioned your decision to share your story of abuse as a child? Do you ever question it now?
DL: In all honesty, I only hesitated for a moment regarding "Breaking the Silence" of my childhood. If each of us makes a conscious decision to live an emotionally and physically healthy lifestyle, then we must stop running from ourselves, burying our pasts by denial, and covering up the aftermath (psychological and behavioral disorders, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse and severe obesity) as victims of this shameful crime. All of us must take action to find our own resources, tools/methods for healing and closure and learn how to be at peace internally. A Survivor's Closet was my tool/method for healing and closure and has now become the resource, the powerful message to help others in their healing.
Neela: What do you hope readers will gain from A SURVIVOR'S CLOSET?
DL: There are twenty chapters, the first sixteen chapters unleash a very graphic, horrific childhood, followed by four chapters that contain a very powerful spiritual message for the reader to learn, retain and be inspired by the very tangible examples of what each of us can consciously do in our lives to better our situation. A Survivor's Closet is a timeless tool that will inspire any reader. If A Survivor's Closet doesn't move you, then you are internally dead. It shows each of us that we are in control of our attitudes and choices and that there is a better life for each of us. We just need to learn to be brave and reach out and grab our resources. A Survivor's Closet is a very powerful, spiritual, timeless message of how each of us can overcome any of life's challenges, but the work must start internally.
Neela: Tell us about your mother's influence on your life choices, including your own goals as a young mother?
DL: Of course my mother has impacted my life. It has made me who I am today. As early as three, the terror of my mother's face, her large body structure and her very powerful, physical and emotional control over me as a fragile, young girl was setting the stage for my own femininity and motherhood later in my life. As a young girl I always told myself that I was going to grow up and be different than my mother. I told myself that she was a mean and angry mother, but I never once blamed myself as a young child. I knew there was something wrong with her and not me. I always looked forward to having my own babies, so that I could give them everything I never had - a mother's love. And I did just that, even as a teenage mother, I was able to take on the responsibility of motherhood and devote my life to the most precious Heavenly gifts - my children. I had always vowed to myself that I was going to be 150% different than my mother. It was my mother's hell and her hatred for me, along with my perseverance and determination to survive, that made me strong and capable of meeting the emotional and physical needs of my own children.
Neela: Why did you include the poignant story of your visit to your father, after not seeing him for 21 years, towards the end of the book. Why was that experience so significant for you?
DL: Chapter 17 was actually the most emotional and painful experience I had while writing my book. Chapter 17 is devoted to my parents, my perpetrators, the people I was expected to love and trust during my catastrophic childhood. This chapter unleashed my soul, through my fingertips and onto the keyboard. This chapter was the greatest healer for me. After 20+ years of searching for closure, after years of desperately seeking their love and acceptance as their daughter, at last I was able to let go of these two people, the two people in my child's life that failed. After searching for three years for my biological family, and reuniting with my father at the age of 21, his words of explanation and innocence melted into my heart. I compassionately listened to a man who was claiming he had done everything in his power to protect me and to stop my mother's hatred and torture toward me. It was only after the experience of writing Chapter 17 that I realized that this man was just as ill as my mother - who had been blamed as the only perpetrator in my childhood abuse for years. Now I have two perpetrators who have NEVER been held accountable for their "child abuse crime." Since Chapter 17, I have made a significant life decision - I have concluded that my father is a very self-centered, passive father who in his own desperation to claim his innocence has now painted a different image in reality for all of us. This chapter raised a major issue for me - how can any father sit his grown daughter down, face-to-face and provide her with the very graphic, horrific details of her childhood from the first moments of birth until the age of her own memories? What kind of human could do this and not feel remorse, guilt or shame? The reality of my father's failure as my protector has led me to believe that both of my parents are guilty of child abuse and torture, not just my mother. Today there is no place in my soul that either of these people resides.
Neela: Tell us about Gael Entrikin. Who is she and how did she affect you?
DL: Arriving in Southern Minnesota in the early 70's, Gael Entrikin, Lutheran Social Services Social Worker, was one of the first professional people that greeted me, a shattered little girl with the emotional and physical scars of childhood trauma and no case file to educate the professionals or the adoption family, who were now responsible for putting me back together again.
A Survivor's Closet has a two page piece that Gael herself wrote about the type of little girl she met many years ago. Even though I had been removed from my parent's negligence and abuse, I was unable to allow anyone to get close enough to me to love me. Gael realized that it was important for my growth for me to realize where my issues came from and that my behaviors were the only way I knew how to cope with my surroundings. It was Gael who taught me that my behaviors related to my self-image and my tenacious struggle as a child would then become who I am today. Her affect on me is well beyond the call of duty. She taught me at a very early age to examine my behaviors, openly talk about my self-esteem, attitudes and choices and become aware that I am in control of myself now and that I could let go of the parental, negative tapes that were once instilled in my mind. Gael helped me restructure my life by confronting the emotions and memories of my past and then learning that I could put them away and move forward in life. In A Survivor's Closet I have devoted my "Mother of Choice" to Gael. I believe that she was the one person who crossed my path and provided me with the most powerful therapy that allowed me to become who I am today.
Neela: You do some public speaking work as well, correct? Did that come about as a result of writing this book? What kind of a reaction have you received from the book and from speaking publicly?
DL: In my 20 year career I have always done some type of public speaking in the realm of my job responsibilities. I have done speaking competitions in college, many consulting employee interviews, classroom standup computer training and public speaking in break-out sessions. I have done leadership roles for teams on various company projects. So I believe, looking back now, that I was inadvertently preparing for the public appearances that I am now doing for A Survivor's Closet. Destiny has a way of preparing us for our futures even when we haven't made that conscious connection. Public speaking for A Survivor's Closet was not a direct result of writing my book, but developed into an additional opportunity for me to share my story, analogies and personal techniques, as well as another inspirational healing tool for others searching for internal peace.
Neela: Are you working on any other projects?
DL: I am pleased you asked. Yes, after writing and publishing A Survivor's Closet, I immediately began writing my second book "SAVING THE CHILDREN" - A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing, which will be out in six months. In addition to my second book, I have three more that will follow. I am calling this project "The Luptak Series." Below is an overview of The Luptak Series:
1. A Survivor's Closet - How my memories as a little girl became the diary of one of the most horrific, severe child abuse stories in Missouri history.
Published: February 2003
2. SAVING THE CHILDREN - A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing
Tentative Publishing: Fall 2003
3. My Spiritual Journey
Tentative Publishing: Summer 2004
4. My Child's Voice Speaking to the Children
Tentative Publishing: Fall 2004
5. Poems of the Soul
Tentative Publishing: Winter 2004
Neela: Is there anything else you'd like to share with our readers?
DL: In closing, I would like to say "Love and Light" to all of the supporters of A Survivor's Closet. For those of you who have met me, attended my speeches or have purchased my book as a healing tool for your life, a friend, relative or neighbor - God Bless You for Taking Action! There is no greater gift in life than the feeling I get knowing I have helped other victims, other lost souls in overcoming the painful scars of childhood trauma.
For Child Abuse Prevention Resources go to the back of my book or go to my website under Resources: www.asurvivorscloset.com for more information:
· Child Protection Services
· National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System
· National Incidence Study
· Department of Health and Human Services
A Survivor's Closet shows each of us that we need to take action and:
· "Break the Silence"
· Create Awareness that Child Abuse is a CRIME in Our Societies and Should Be Treated as Such!
· Support the Other 50 Million Victims Who Still Remain in Silence!
· Help Toughen Laws and Punishment in Order to Stop the Perpetrators!
· Hold the Perpetrators Accountable for Their Crimes!
· Proves that any of us can overcome even the most horrific, compelling trauma in our lives!
Love and Light, Debra M. Luptak, Author of A Survivor's Closet "One Survivor's Voice for Millions of Silent Victims!"™
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