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 Neela Sakaria: Thank you for your joining us Ms. Hart. Tell us about your decision to write this memoir. Why was it a difficult choice, and why did you ultimately decide to write it anyway?
Sandra Hart: Certain events in my life, those that were very painful were difficult enough while I was living them, let alone thinking about them once they passed. I suppose it can be similar to people who have been in an accident. They can't remember the circumstances, but they will never forget the resulting physical and mental recovery after the damage was done. We walk though life making choices that we think are the best for us and hope against all hope our senses have lead us in the right direction and that some greater Force is taking care of us. Once I had lived it, I wanted to forget about it and go on with my life. Which I did. I became successful in both my personal and professional lives, but I was not successful in hiding the truth from myself. Deep inside, I was haunted by my choices in life and not knowing what happened to my husband. Not having closure affected all of us. Maybe not on the surface, but it was always simmering just below. I could hear it in my son's music; I could feel it when I needed the sense memory on the stage. One day the light finally went on. I had lived through all of the things that happened and I survived for a reason. I knew I did not have the right to not tell my story Not only did I have to release my pain, but help others who are trying to survive do the same.
Neela: You are known for your role as Miss Sandra on the famous children's program, Romper Room. Were you afraid of damaging your public image with this book? How did/do you deal with that?
SH: Whatever fears I had were completely erased once my story was known. I have been embraced by persons touched in some way by mental illness, or difficult relationships, or who are just plain starting over after a difficult experience. Knowing that smart women can make choices that at the time seem so right, but can be so wrong, and survive to build another life is hopeful. I remember a long time ago when Oprah Winfrey was just starting out, she said that she once fearfully hung on to her boyfriend's leg in tears begging him not to leave as she dragged along the ground behind him. Look where that woman is now. She got up, dusted herself off and became empowered with her own worth. The public loves a winner, because it lets them know it can happen to them, too. When I speak at events those are my topics: Self-worth and Empowerment. Both are free for the taking and build upon one another.
Neela: You describe writing BEHIND THE MAGIC MIRROR as a cathartic process. As you mentioned earlier, it must have been painful for you to re-visit some of the events you talk about. Did you gain any new insights on your own life while writing this?
SH: Good question. Most definitely the answer is yes. For one thing, I quit punishing myself for some of my decisions. At the time I thought they were right. I did not make poor choices on purpose. I have also learned that by growing up in a "bubble" in Ohio I and being the child of a male alcoholic I had not developed the personal confidence I could have had. I should have been more confident in my talent while in New York, and that made me make some foolish decisions, but I learned by my fears and I have encouraged my children's talents so they have not made those same mistakes. Also, the best part is that I am more tolerant of others and I hope I have become a kinder and gentler person because of my life's path.
Neela: How long did it take you to write the book?
SH: Would you believe I first started writing Behind The Magic Mirror in 1995? The initial draft was for a one woman play (A Girl With Moonlight In Her Eyes) that is still a work in progress. Once the dam gates to my past were opened, the words came like a flood and at times were too painful to put on paper. I would have dreams about Jennings and began reliving the horror again and would have to stop. So it was an off and on again process that took until now to complete. Mainly to keep Jennings and my life with him out of my present life, I had to take a break now and then. It was difficult so say the least.
Neela: The events you describe almost seem like they are those of a film or television show. Looking back, is it sometimes difficult for you to believe that these experiences happened to you?
SH: Now, when I look back, it does seem as if I am writing and reading about someone else's life. But in reality, that is what happens to each of us. We evolve and become several different personas before we die, if we become wiser as we age. None of us, if we are doing it right, remain stagnant in our thoughts and goals. Not to mention the gravity of aging. The clock never stops and so should we not, either.
Neela: You write about finding the good in the challenges and bad events that life presents us with. How do you remind yourself to do this on a daily basis?
SH: Like Pavlov's dogs, I learned by experiencing and putting my knowledge to better use to make my life happier. Every day, I thank God I have been given the life I have and the wisdom to appreciate it. I, in turn, plan to spend the rest of my life giving back hope to others. Not a bad price to pay for a few years of terror. I'm still here. Others who have had contact with paranoid schizophrenics have not been so lucky.
Neela: In the first part of the book you share some very poignant stories of what you refer to as "missed opportunities." Your story of meeting Ethel Merman's manager comes to mind. What is it that you hope readers will gain from your experiences?
SH: Hopefully, I answered that in your second question. The gift of life is here to take, you just have to have the confidence and believe in your special gifts.
Neela: What kind of a response has your book gotten so far from readers - from your children and the rest of your family?
SH: My daughters were very supportive, but my son was so young while chaos surrounded us, that he didn't want too much information to enter his life now. He is slowly facing the truth and releasing his own hurt through his music. He probably would have rather our past die a quiet death, but we are a close and supportive family who recognizes and respects each of our creative rights to express ourselves.
Neela: Is there anything else you'd like to share with our readers?
SH: I just hope they read Behind the Magic Mirror with an open mind and that they take away something positive that they can use in their lives. I hope they will give themselves the quiet time in their lives to forgive and to better hear how to live.
Behind the Magic Mirror
ISBN: 0971552509
Publisher: My Artisansway Press
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