Confessions of a So-Called Middle Child

People, what you're holding in your greasy little hands is my manifesto, my confessions, written for all you misunderstood middle kids out there who have no room to shine. Yep, when you're sandwiched between an overachieving, superhairy older sister and a too-cute-for-his-own-good younger brother, how can you ever win, right

I never really thought of myself as a "middle child." Gifted computer hacker Check. Fashion trailblazer Double check. Finest prankster in my sixth-grade...
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People, what you're holding in your greasy little hands is my manifesto, my confessions, written for all you misunderstood middle kids out there who have no room to shine. Yep, when you're sandwiched between an overachieving, superhairy older sister and a too-cute-for-his-own-good younger brother, how can you ever win, right

I never really thought of myself as a "middle child." Gifted computer hacker Check. Fashion trailblazer Double check. Finest prankster in my sixth-grade class Triple check.

But then something happened. Things got messy. I did something bad. And I mean really, really bad. Bad enough to get expelled for. Bad enough to have to move for, and even bad enough to be sent to a shrink for.

At first, I thought Dr. Scales was just a sad old man with a hazardous dandruff problem, but you know what By the end of the summer, I was a changed woman. In our last session, the day before my brand-new middle-school life was to start, he gave me a mission:

I had to find the most bullied, friendless, hopeless, laughed-at, lonely girl in the entire school and be her friend. In public.

Just kill me now, please.