In My Sisters Lies

I found myself spiraling out of control as I became the victim of true insanity that was being manipulated around me at the hands of my sister. While we were all sitting waiting and watching our parents dying of cancer, my life was also in jeopardy. Each day I was losing the battle and it felt like there was no way to put a stop to it. Quickly it was becoming clear I was plummeting downward. Suicide wasn't just a thought - it was my plan. It was my chart to escape the only option that...
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I found myself spiraling out of control as I became the victim of true insanity that was being manipulated around me at the hands of my sister. While we were all sitting waiting and watching our parents dying of cancer, my life was also in jeopardy. Each day I was losing the battle and it felt like there was no way to put a stop to it. Quickly it was becoming clear I was plummeting downward. Suicide wasn't just a thought - it was my plan. It was my chart to escape the only option that reality had put in my path. I needed to finally end this nightmare that had been created. There was no rational reason this was happening to me, therefore there was no rational reason to deal with it. I realized that I had absolutely no control over her actions that were happening around me and not having any control meant that I was also no longer control of my life, something that I was having a very hard time to deal with.I needed control, I had to know that somehow my life was my choice and yet I could not find it.When we are faced with our parents dying the dynamics in families change. Being faced with both parents dying at the same time not only changed those dynamics but increased the stress and pressures ten fold.I realized that I was not alone, death and family drama actually go hand in hand. Discovery that insanity existed outside of our dysfunctional unit was key in finding survival.