The Little Book of Farts

I am waiting to go on dragons den for a time machine I have invented I want to go back to the eighties so I can fill my car up for £8 and I can get drunk on a fiver because when I am drunk I am a groovy dancer and strictly come dancing will phone me up and invite me on the show, Dec Donnelly will see me on his big brown wooden telly and he will fancy me we will fall in love and I know it is love because I will be able to fart, scratch my bum and swear in front of him we will marry with...
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I am waiting to go on dragons den for a time machine I have invented I want to go back to the eighties so I can fill my car up for £8 and I can get drunk on a fiver because when I am drunk I am a groovy dancer and strictly come dancing will phone me up and invite me on the show, Dec Donnelly will see me on his big brown wooden telly and he will fancy me we will fall in love and I know it is love because I will be able to fart, scratch my bum and swear in front of him we will marry with Miranda Hart as my maid of honour because we are good farty pals and fall over all the time and if Dec doesn't cook my sprouts properly for my farty bath I will clean the toilet with his toothbrush we will divorce and I shall return to my job as a carer catching imaginary budgies or Asda and start smelling like a cod again, so please join me in my time machine around my little book of funny awful rude trueish story poems well almost true.