My Mind Does Not Work Like Yours

Throughout my entire life I've been trying to be understood. I've felt misunderstood since the beginning really. There were times in Elementary School where I was misunderstood. From an early age of just 7 years old my intentions with others were misunderstood or misinterpreted by my peers. To look back on all of those instances now makes a lot of sense. It does! I would say or do something and my peers would look at me strange and I could tell they thought I was odd. At the time I had...
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Throughout my entire life I've been trying to be understood. I've felt misunderstood since the beginning really. There were times in Elementary School where I was misunderstood. From an early age of just 7 years old my intentions with others were misunderstood or misinterpreted by my peers. To look back on all of those instances now makes a lot of sense. It does! I would say or do something and my peers would look at me strange and I could tell they thought I was odd. At the time I had no idea why they acted the way they did and they had no idea why I acted the way I did. It was a situation where two different people were living in two completely and totally different worlds. As I continued to get older the gap continued to widen. It was no longer little things that I was doing that were misinterpreted but it was becoming bigger things that mattered more. Now it was the girl who thought I was creepy because of the way that I stared or gazed at her. Now it was the other guys who thought I was an oddball because I didn't behave like a typical guy would or should. When I was little it was just little things and the other kids would give me a weird look or gaze and then go back to their business. But as I was getting older it was becoming a bigger issue and was more of a problem than I would have liked it to be.The hardest thing as an adult is to let go of the issue. Carrying these negative things with you will take a toll on you after so long. When you live in a negative image of yourself on a daily basis it is extremely difficult to see yourself for anything else. This is something I'm going through right now is trying to block the negative feedback that I've gotten from social interactions I've had and find positive traits about myself that I like and know others can like too.I can't even believe that I've spent at least five years of my life trying to become like everyone else. As soon as I was diagnosed it was like I didn't even care who I was anymore. I was given a label or a reason that told me I was different and I didn't like it so immediately I began to pursue answers to the problem. The only way I was going to be happy was if I were to be able to be like others and do social activities and engage in social skills like they were able to. I was on a mission to accomplish this and it didn't matter who I was anymore. I was going to change who I was to be able to have the same social skills and social life that my peers had. Travis Breeding wouldn't be the same for a number of years because I was looking for something that didn't exist. It was the summer of 2007. I was now twenty-two years old and I knew I was different. I didn't have the social skills that others had and I wasn't happy with myself. I knew I hadn't had the same type of peer relationships as others my age did. In fact, I grew very jealous of other people my age. I wanted to be like them so desperately but didn't know how. For years upon years I would do anything to be like them including make up stories about my life, pay people money to spend time with me, and give expensive gifts to people trying to get them to like me. I was trying to buy love and this is something that you can't do. It's something we have to prevent younger teenagers and young adults on the spectrum from doing because it can destroy not only the individual's life but it can indeed destroy friendships and relationships with people that already love you for who you are. This book is an in depth look at how an autistic mind differs from a neurotypical mind.