The Nonsensical U S A

Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: POLITICAL Mr. Speaker ? is my hat on straight? Maiden query of suffragette M. C. What in Sam Hill's the matter with Congress? Title of editorial leader in The Bung- town Bazoo. Protection for infant industries Slogan of Rubber-nipple and Go-Cart Trusts. Don't give up the ship subsidy ? Last words of a...
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Purchase of this book includes free trial access to www.million-books.com where you can read more than a million books for free. This is an OCR edition with typos. Excerpt from book: POLITICAL Mr. Speaker ? is my hat on straight? Maiden query of suffragette M. C. What in Sam Hill's the matter with Congress? Title of editorial leader in The Bung- town Bazoo. Protection for infant industries Slogan of Rubber-nipple and Go-Cart Trusts. Don't give up the ship subsidy ? Last words of a dying industry. POLITICAL The Parties Republican: Devoted to the protection of infant industries, such as steel, oil and cotton, and to the gold, or Gould, standard. Also to the great tenure-of-office principle, for which it is willing to spend a barrel in every campaign. Conducts the famous Immunity Baths near Hell-with-the- lid-off, Pittsburg, where indiscreet and super- acquisitive councilman may be made whiter than snow. Also known as the G. O. P., signifying Got our pie. Symbol, the elephant, typifyingthe dimensions an infant industry may attain when sufficiently protected. Democratic: A party, which having been without the pie-works for some years, has been forced to take second-choice of campaign issues. Democrats are of the gold, silver, Jeffersonian, Jack- sonian, imperialistic, anti-imperialistic, pitchfork, populistic, conservative and yellow-dog varieties. Most democrats prefix the word anti- to their names, meaning It's about tune. Symbol, the donkey, a long-eared beast capable of producing more noise than anything outside of Lincoln, Nebraska. Prohibition: A blue-ribboned band engaged in extending the bounds of the Great American Desert. The Prohibitionists have already succeeded in bleaching the noses of the Kentucky Colonels and in lengthening to the vanishing point the intervals between clinks of the gubernatorial flagons along the Carolina border. Populist: A fast-dying race once flourishing west of the Mississi...