Exit Strategies
Looking for Love''s Loopholes to Avoid Long-Term Entanglements
From the author of "Monster Laughs", "Seasons Without Reason", "Channel Surfing", "How to Write Comedy Jokes", and more, comes a delightfully funny novella about modern romance and the various means men use to avoid long-term entanglements.
For the shallow of soul and faint of heart, no phrase frightens more than "till death does us part". Or so thinks Dennis Peterson whose fear of commitment so clouds his judgment that he fanatically follows his friend Buddy''s bad advice which, unbeknownst to him, was given in jest: "If you''re so afraid of making a lifelong commitment, find a woman with a short life span. Someone hot. With only a little while to live."
Bizarre advice which Dennis lives by!
This book presents a comedy where men make their means of avoiding romantic entanglements, but their methods soon backfire.
Do you want somebody to love? Or just some body?
To avoid needless heartache and other unwanted complications, make sure you know your way out, before you enter into anything.
Especially love.
Laughter, romance, and mystery provide something fun for everyone!
Excerpts & Snippets
"Doesn''t seem fair," kidded Buddy. "You''re my best man for the fifth time now; but I''ve never been your best man once."
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Buddy peeked out the door at the huge crowd and saw Wendy in a green dress sitting on the bride''s side. "You''re in luck. Blue Dress is here. Only she''s wearing a green dress."
"Maybe so, but she''ll always be Blue Dress to me."
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Although a mostly model citizen, he never fared well around authority figures. Stemmed from a childhood incident at the Newfound Playground Preschool, where his teacher Ms. Jenny Simmons criticized the way he played in the sandbox. Disappointed, dismayed, Dennis always wondered: How could anyone play wrong in a sandbox?
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"I knew I shouldn''t let you watch Shark Week!"
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Dennis explained to the still gawking onlookers, "She''s going through all five stages of grief at the same time."
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Amanda; wearing curlers in her hair, a green facial mask, and unflattering pajamas; plopped herself next to Buddy. "Why waste your time gawking at that junk?"
Catching sight of Amanda''s green face, Buddy yelped. "Ah! I''m not wasting my time. I''m gonna get me one."
"Where you gonna get the money honey?" You can''t keep borrowing against the house.
Buddy gawked at Amanda. That reminds me. I still have to give Dennis back his copy of "The Bride of Frankenstein"
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[Patty]: "What is it about me that makes men want to die?" I thought guys liked my dimples.
"Sometimes you can be a little"--Catching Patty glaring, ready to elbow him, Dennis changed his train of thought.--"Um. Ask Buddy. He has the opposite problem. Only with him, they really do die. On second thought, don''t mention it. He''s touchy about being a poly-widower."
"How would you feel if it was safer for women to chain-smoke nuclear cigarettes than marry you?"
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[Dennis]: "Slow down, Sis. Getting drunk won''t solve anything."
Buddy gibed, "Solves the problem of sobriety."
Awkward silence. Even crickets felt too embarrassed to chirp.
Buddy pounded the table. "Come on. That was funny!"
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[Patty]: "Stay." I love you too. And don''t worry. "They won''t throw an innocent girl in jail."
SLAAAAAAAM!!! Slaaaaam!! Slaaam! Slam. ... Forty minutes later, the bars of the holding cell SLAMMED shut behind Patty as she sat moping amidst an assortment of prostitutes, junkies, and shoplifters.
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[Patty]: "If only the world was just." Men would get pregnant; and women could aim when they pee. Aim at the men who objectify us and break our hearts.
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