Frickin 40

Frickin 40 began as the project of a 39-year-old hypochondriac hoping to assuage the impending doom of his 40th birthday. What resulted was a bizarre manifesto of cowardice and regret ... and hippos and farts and yoga and oatmeal and a man named "Kumquat Ferrari." From Frickin 40~Epilogue Shmepilogue~"Some say Ben left this world drunk and confused. Others say he was just drunk. Either way, he was completely naked, if you don't count the boots, scarf, and aviator goggles."~My Future~"I...
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Frickin 40 began as the project of a 39-year-old hypochondriac hoping to assuage the impending doom of his 40th birthday. What resulted was a bizarre manifesto of cowardice and regret ... and hippos and farts and yoga and oatmeal and a man named "Kumquat Ferrari." From Frickin 40~Epilogue Shmepilogue~"Some say Ben left this world drunk and confused. Others say he was just drunk. Either way, he was completely naked, if you don't count the boots, scarf, and aviator goggles."~My Future~"I know you're all feeling scared right now at the prospect of facing robotic bears and giant radioactive bees. It's OK. I've soiled myself at least three times already this morning, and not just because all we have to eat is that rotten moss stew."~The Menopause~"There's already one whiny, weepy, depressed, balding person with sagging boobs in this house ... I don't need any competition."~Insomnia~"You'll probably get really angry and think, 'Man, I wish this guy was dead.' And then, while you're pouring coffee and slicing pie, you'd be like, 'Oh yeah, the poison!'"~Meaning Of Life~"She nodded while I spoke. I was so eloquent, you should have seen me. And then I farted, long and loud."