My Dog Used to Chase People on Bikes

An edited collection of terrific jokes, humorous, quirky anecdotes and life stories combined to make you laugh, smile or occasionally groan. What happened after the Chinese couple divorced? How to tell the time while milking a cow? How to offend gorillas? Just what is African Roulette? There's "Observations" of some of our defining characteristics. "Why is life like a Sh*t Sandwich? What is the "Crapped-On Factor?" What's a "Candle Snuffer?" Added to the mix is a series of anecdotes...
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An edited collection of terrific jokes, humorous, quirky anecdotes and life stories combined to make you laugh, smile or occasionally groan. What happened after the Chinese couple divorced? How to tell the time while milking a cow? How to offend gorillas? Just what is African Roulette? There's "Observations" of some of our defining characteristics. "Why is life like a Sh*t Sandwich? What is the "Crapped-On Factor?" What's a "Candle Snuffer?" Added to the mix is a series of anecdotes that reveal just how humorous, ridiculous or just plain quirky real life is; showing how life is indeed stranger than fiction. Includes; "How to cover a car park with concentrated acid?" "What happens when you call the police after you break into a factory?", "Why would thirty women stand spontaneously and applaud you?", "Did someone really drive a shiny, new, black vulva?" Surely humour is the real fuel this nation runs on; our ability to laugh at ourselves and just about anyone or anything is a national blessing. It should be on the National Curriculum with laughter the first lesson of the day!The Number One Best Seller......in our houseA Must Buy.......my bank managerMay Buy.......procrastinatorWon't Buy.......ScroogeDon't Buy.......miserable old git whose cat sh*ts on my lawnGood Bye you !*!*.........ex-wifeDisgusting.......GrannyDisturbing......my psychiatristFake Jokes......someone in Washington D.C. This a one-stop-humour-shop combining the humour themes of observation, anecdote and joke. It focuses on the politics (power and pathetic), people (power and (long-suffering) "plebs") and events (problems and panic) in and around the workplace. For "events" one could substitute "cock-ups, chaos and confusion". Within the family tales, perhaps "cute, unexpected and downright funny" apply. The book offers a dip-in, dip-out choice between different humour forms depending on your mood and occasion. Do you feel like a chuckle at an anecdote, a smile and nodding agreement with an observation or simply to laugh / groan at a short joke or a well crafted tale with a cracking punch line? Part One consists of the observations made about the workplace and family during a long and (un)distinguished career. This section also includes anecdotal stories experienced, witnessed or told by colleagues. Irrespective of the industry; the reader will recognise the commonality of the humour thread (quirky chaos) in each one. Part Two is an edited selection of jokes "collected" (and flogged to death) over the years. Some are short, some are long, some are old, some are more recent but I believe they have a certain "quality / quirkiness" and are far removed from the "500 Jokes Style". There's real beauty in a well constructed joke with a snappy, not-seeing-it-coming punch-line. The one thing the jokes have in common; they've been crafted to squeeze out every bit of humour juice. I was a contractor who worked for numerous businesses from small to multinational. Every few months I would start a new assignment and was able to "view" the workplace protagonists, politics and scenarios that prevailed in those mini-kingdoms (elf-doms?) and power (or lack of) bases. Whatever the businesses, their continuance depended entirely on hardworking people trying to achieve (and survive) despite the burden of deadlines, pressure, greed, arrogance, jealousy, coasters, hierarchy, stupidity and these days H&S and PC lunacy. The common denominator with all these good folks is how much they relied on humour to get through the day. I believe I have captured the essence of that humour in the book.... the point is, I've had a huge pool to drink from and some very odd fish to observe! This book captures a selection of these quirky moments; they are "modern parables" explaining, or more likely not-explaining, how humans react or simply fail to act sensibly in seemingly normal situations.