North of the Alley

A READER RECENTLY asked me why this column is titled "North of the Alley." Now there is a short answer to this question. I can give you that, but that wouldn't be any fun. I would rather give you the whole sordid history of column titling. The last series of columns I wrote I called "Library Looking Glass." I took Chase's Calendar of Events, picked out some holidays or special days and talked about them. I learned all about Bonza Bottler Day because it is the first day of the first...
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A READER RECENTLY asked me why this column is titled "North of the Alley." Now there is a short answer to this question. I can give you that, but that wouldn't be any fun. I would rather give you the whole sordid history of column titling. The last series of columns I wrote I called "Library Looking Glass." I took Chase's Calendar of Events, picked out some holidays or special days and talked about them. I learned all about Bonza Bottler Day because it is the first day of the first month. In February, it is the second of February. March 3 is Bonza Bottler Day and so on. This day each month is designated as an excuse to have a party at least one day a month. I like parties, especially if there's some Anchor Steam involved. One day, a long time ago, the editor of the local weekly newspaper came to the library to see if I wanted to write a library column. I agreed to do it with the understanding that it wouldn't be a typical library column that listed the most popular books checked out in the last month, the staff's favorite book, or time the library would be closed. Two columns turned out to be about a deer hunt I went on when I discovered I'm not great at field sports. Occasionally, I reviewed new books. One book, Sex by Madonna, I reviewed without ever seeing it. It was such an expensive book that it was beyond many people's budget. Bookstores offered customers a brief look at the book for a small fee. I wasn't going to put my hard-earned money down so I could see a book that was probably full of nudity. So instead, I reviewed it sight unseen. It wasn't a clever review, just critical. With such a wide variety of subjects in the column, it was a challenge to find a title for it. Several ideas were battled around, from the stupendous to the silly. Finally, the editor asked where my office was located. I said south of the bookshelves. In the library world, the bookshelves are known as the stacks. So, the title became "South of the Stacks." A good friend suggested I call my new column "Accidental Humorist." She said my funniest lines come by accident when I'm not really trying to be funny. Most of my intended humor falls flat. So, I'm a humorist by accident. The problem with accidental humor is that it's so unpredictable. If I'm going through a dry period, humorously speaking, then I'm not living up to the promise of the column title. As for the humorist part, my favorite humorist was Will Rogers. His time in this world was way before mine, so I only know him through his writing. I could never approach the high level of his humor. The title "Accidental Humorist" is okay as a casual description, but I couldn't live up to the title's promise as a written column. I wrote a column for a short time entitled "Downwind of the Garbage Bin." That's where my office is located - south of the stacks and downwind of the garbage bin. I thought "Downwind..." was a clever title, but others didn't agree. So, I went back to my office and looked around again. The office is north of the alley. What a great compromise! I've got a new direction for my new column. It's not as immediately distasteful as a garbage bin, but it's not as high class as main street either. Since I'm often seen in the alley it's the perfect title. So, I'll see you later, North of the Alley.