When parents divorce, their family doesn't die--like a living cell, it splits in two. At its best, the result is a new kind of family with a surprising structure: a healthy, thriving organism that has two separate and vital centers.
No matter how severe their initial problems, many families do achieve this kind of transformation over time, allowing parents and children to recover from divorce and get on with their lives.
But this cannot happen until the parents have resolved their custody conflicts. Sharing the Children provides divorcing parents with the tools they need to deal effectively with each other, and to cope with the intense, protracted custody disputes that can traumatize a divorcing family.
In the turmoil of working out a child custody settlement, two spouses either can fight competitively for the upper hand--what Dr. Adler calls "win-lose" negotiating--or they can try to work cooperatively for the benefit of their children.
With all the problems that surround a divorce, cooperative negotiating is extremely difficult--but not impossible. Using anecdotes and case histories from his own professional experience, Dr. Adler introduces divorcing parents to the techniques that make a successful settlement possible, guiding them through the divorce process so that all the participants--mother, father, and children--can come out winners.
This book shows how to develop, stage-by-stage, a successful custody arrangement.
Giving practical answers to tough questions, it tackles every step:
- from deciding to separate
- to hiring a lawyer and/or mediator
- to negotiating custody details (such as who gets the children for which holidays)
- to the complications that arise when new lovers, spouses and step-children enter the scene
Dr. Adler lays out the methods for creating a custody arrangement that works for you and your children. He shows how to:
- Understand and manage your own feelings
- Anticipate and influence the reactions of your spouse
- Communicate and negotiate effectively
Sharing the Children also includes a basic self-help checklist for divorcing parents and a state-by-state summary of custody laws in the United States.