Shh... Book #1 of the Revelations Series |
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| Contribution by:
| Gray, Jordan
Giardino, Angelo |
| Author:
| Giardino, Phoenix |
| ISBN: | 979-8-3633-6090-9 |
| Publication Date: | Nov 2022 |
| Publisher: | Independently Published
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| Book Format: | Paperback |
| List Price: | USD $9.99 |
Book Description:
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Traumatic events live on long after the moment of trauma forgets our name. "If only I could trace the thread that unraveled my life," we convince ourselves, "maybe--just maybe--I can find peace." These texts are real (2019):
USMC Sgt. Gray: There are things I went through and things I did I don't think I could mentally handle dealing with now. It's not that I did anything I didn't have orders to do, but it went against who I am, or was, at my...
More DescriptionTraumatic events live on long after the moment of trauma forgets our name. "If only I could trace the thread that unraveled my life," we convince ourselves, "maybe--just maybe--I can find peace."
These texts are real (2019):
USMC Sgt. Gray: There are things I went through and things I did I don't think I could mentally handle dealing with now. It's not that I did anything I didn't have orders to do, but it went against who I am, or was, at my very core. I am not at liberty to discuss any of it, and so instead of getting help, I had to bury it, so now 15 years later, I still struggle with it. I was in a pretty vulnerable state when we were seeing each other. I was struggling with the need to discuss things with someone, the need for a partner who I would feel safe to discuss things with, yet the hesitation to commit because if I did, and I talked, then not only would that person be in danger, but who knows if they could see me for who I am, knowing the things I had to do. About 2-3 years ago, my mind broke, and now I struggle having any meaningful conversation. I am good at what I do, but it's all I can do to have face-to-face meetings with clients. I put on the best show I can for my kids when I have them every other week, but otherwise I hide from people. I only feel safe when I am alone, so I do my job, get my coworkers to do the face-to-face meetings when they can, and I hide at my house and write.
I don't want to go on about me, but my worry most recently is writing to you to apologize and explain where I was and why I may have handled things the way I did when I don't really know why myself. I tried not to get real close with anyone, and I think subconsciously it's because I knew at some point my participation in the events overseas would inevitably boil out, and not only could that person be in danger because of what I told them, but I don't know how I could be viewed as anything other than a monster. I couldn't control myself with you, and so I guess I didn't think I would be able to be with you on the surface, yet keep you at arm's length inside, which is what you have to do when you have something to hide.
Phoenix, I don't think I will ever be ready to face myself. There may have been a way to "fix me" before, but not anymore. It was a mistake getting married because while I played the role as husband and father well, it was just that, a role. I guess I felt safe with my wife because she knew me as a kid and knew who I was as a person, so I guess I thought I could be open with her, but I quickly learned she couldn't be trusted with any sensitive information. When I broke a few years ago, I couldn't continue playing the role as it was all I could do to face the day. I couldn't entertain her family and friends. I couldn't party with her, and that doesn't work for her, so I became a babysitter. She wasn't ever built to be anyone's support, so when that's what I needed, she split, and I don't blame her.
Phoenix: Jordan, believe me when I tell you I saw all of you from the very beginning. NOTHING you did in your military career changed the way I felt about you. You were a soldier, a very good soldier, and you still are a very good man. You were never a monster, even if you felt the things you were required to do were monstrous. Don't confuse your orders for your person; you are not what you had to do. And as long as you are alive, there's hope for you to forgive yourself.
Advisory: PTSD; Profanity; Steamy Contemporary Romance