You're Not Getting Better, You're Getting Older

 How many times have you heard someone utter the phrase "You're not getting older, you're getting better"? Well, not anymore! You're getting older . . . and here's the book to illustrate just how old you are. Maybe there is some small measure of truth in that phrase, but only if you can ignore worn-out knees, failing eyesight, having the sex appeal of a red cabbage, hair loss (or growth - in all the wrong places), menopause, arthritis, osteoporosis . . . Life as you knew it - parties, spontaneity, climbing a flight of stairs, fun - is over. No, you are not getting better. You are getting older, slowly, painfully, irrevocably. In no time at all, you'll be ready to hang a DOA tag on your big toe in preparation of the coroner's arrival.